One Year ago today=Fear

During the many weeks the girls were hospitalized I hid from all the fear I was feeling. One year ago today Rylee had a terrible day and coded four times while Troy and I were at the hospital. It was possibly one of the worst days of our lives. While the doctors and nurses were performing CPR I would freeze and was just numb. The worst part was not being able to touch her as all the nurses and doctors were surrounding her. It was very hard seeing the heart rate line flat line and then she would have no oxygen level. I will forever hear those beeeeeeeeeps as long as I live. I remember thinking "am I watching my daughter die?" She was grey and very motionless just like she was on New Years Day. As I look back Rylee was mere steps away from death. The following day she was transported to Children's Mercy Hospital and this is where she later received her trach and g-tube. I am forever grateful to have these two miracles with me right now. Rylee had a rough few weeks prior to this day and was placed back on the ventilator for the hundredth time. She was even coding while on the ventilator and I just couldn't believe she was taking steps back words and not forwards. Troy and I sometimes joke that poor little Jordan was just stuck under the sink while all this was happening. She was on the other side of the room (next to the sink) and we were so focused on Rylee that we hardly gave her any attention.